Even as the House was impeaching President Donald Trump, he was in the midst of a rowdy campaign rally in Michigan. The President, clearly both agitated by the proceedings in Washington and energized by the cheering crowd in front of him, spoke for more than two hours Wednesday night – railing against, well, everyone.
I went through the whole transcript – so you don’t have to – and picked out the most, er, interesting Trump lines. They’re below.
1. “And did you notice that everybody is saying merry Christmas again? Did you notice?”
I did not! And away we go!
2. “Remember when I first started this beautiful trip, this beautiful journey, I just said to the first lady, ‘You’re so lucky I took you on this fantastic journey.’ “
I wonder if Melania Trump would describe herself as “so lucky.”
3. “It doesn’t really feel like we’re being impeached.”
What, specifically, does being impeached feel like? Maybe a really bad charley horse? Or like closing your fingers in a car door? Touching a hot stove? I’m just spitballing here.
4. “I don’t know if you know this but probably 10 years ago I was honored. I was the man of the year by I think somebody, whoever. I was the man of the year in Michigan, can you believe it? Long time.”
There is no proof this actually happened. None.
5. “Anyway, I was the man of the year and probably like close to 10 years ago and I came to Michigan – he said you’re still the man of the year.”
Again, almost certainly not.
6. “You know I had a lot of union labor. Vote for me, tremendous amount of labor.”
Of the 18% of the 2016 electorate who said they were members of union households, Trump won 42% of the vote to Hillary Clinton’s 51%. Four years earlier, Mitt Romney had taken 40% among union households but lost to President Barack Obama by 18 points with that voting bloc.
7. “They won’t say it, because when we have protests that’s all in favor, they don’t talk about it, but there’s a slob. There’s a real slob.”
“There’s a slob. There’s a real sob.” – The President of the United States on a protester.
8. “OK, so there’s one disgusting person who made – wait – wait, who made a, I wouldn’t say this but made a horrible gesture with the wrong finger. Right?”
Wait, so is Trump saying the protester meant to give him the middle finger but stuck up her index finger instead? If so, who does that?
9. “I don’t know who the security company is, but the police came up but they want to be so politically correct. So they don’t grab her wrists lightly and get her out. They say, oh would you please come – would you please come with me?”
Example #2,514 of Donald Trump advocating rough treatment of people who have been or are being arrested or removed from a speech.
10. “But of course the guy’s afraid that, you know, he’ll grab her wrists lightly and he’ll be sued for the rest of his life that you’ve destroyed her life.”
Trump filters everything – EVERYTHING – through the lens of his alleged rejection of PC culture. And yes, litigious lawyers fit nicely into that frame.
11. “This is one person who made a horrible gesture only because the security man let her have so much time and usually I have to say the police do an incredible job.”
Oh, I see: The protester was allowed to give Trump the “wrong finger” because the police did a bad job. I think?
12. “Battle Creek. Battle Creek. I’ve been eating Battle Creek cereals for a long time, too much. Too much. They’re still making great cereal.”
Fun fact: Battle Creek, Michigan, is known as “the Cereal City”!!
13. “I said, don’t worry about it. We’re going to take care of you guys and I used a bad word. You know what word I used?”
No, please tell me. I’ll wait.
14. “See, in the old days – in the old days I would say mankind, now I say mankind, womankind. This way I don’t get in trouble with our friends.”
Woke Donald Trump is my favorite Donald Trump.
15. “And I was at one of the areas where they’re displaying it and I went up to the pilots and honestly they’re better looking than Tom Cruise. Good movie.”
I too enjoy “Top Gun.” On a related note: “That’s right! Ice … Man. I am dangerous.”
16. “The face is equal, maybe slightly better. The body’s bigger and stronger.”
OK, so our current F-35 pilots have faces equal to Tom Cruise in “Top Gun” but better bodies? Helpful!
17. “It’s actually called super stealth. So I said, you mean they can’t see – so you shoot at them but they can’t – he said they have no idea where we are, sir. I said that sounds good to me, nobody does it. Nobody can do it. We have the whole thing and we ordered a lot of those plans.”
“It’s called super stealth.”
18. “So I’ll be able to tell my kids someday and everybody else, see that Space Force. That was my baby, and you think that was easy?”
19. “But he said, sir, I want to thank you. My wife thinks I’m a loser. All my life, we never did well with the 401(k)s, with stocks, everything I invested. I’m up 72%, sir. She thinks I’m a financial genius. She’s so in love with me. She’s so in love.”
As CNN’s Daniel Dale has noted, any Trump story that includes the word “sir” has a very high probability of not being true.
20. “The cameras – do you ever notice I go to these stadiums, 25-30,000 people. They never show the crowd.”
One of Trump’s most oft-repeated untruths. The cameras regularly show the crowds.
21. “We went to different – Pennsylvania, Florida, and – I mean thousands and thousands of people can’t get into these, you know, NBA arenas. Right? Big arenas, and we set records at every one because we use the floor.”
Using the floor is key to breaking records, Everyone knows this.
22. “I don’t think we’ve ever had an empty seat from the time I came down the escalator. That’s a long time ago. I don’t think we’ve ever had an empty seat.”
[narrator voice] He has.
23. “But every time I see – I see a man get up. I see a beautiful woman with a baby and they’re getting up. The baby’s going crazy and they’re getting up. They’re going to take care – I know they’re going to be right back and I say fill those two seats. I don’t want them to see it because they’ll say, couldn’t fill up the arena.”
What Trump reveals here, unintentionally, is his massive insecurity about being adored.
24. “We had 32,000 people that night. It was 1 o’clock in the morning. That means it was Election Day when I started speaking.”
Trump often references this speech that he gave in the early hour of Election Day 2016 in Grand Rapids, Michigan. The problem? There were more like 3,000 people (not 32,000) in attendance.
25. “How many people were there? 32,000. Thirty-two – 32,000 people outside, inside.”
[narrator voice] It was 3,000.
26. “I like him. I like him. … Because he’s a pro, he’s an instinct guy. Right?”
Trump on Bill Clinton. Yes, really.
27. “And he said, you horrible human being, you better start listening to me because you’re going to get your ass whupped.”
This is Trump re-creating a fake conversation between Bill and Hillary Clinton in the run-up to the 2016 election. And, yes, in Trump’s world Bill Clinton refers to his wife as a “horrible human being” when talking with her.
28. “And we won Michigan, and the word is that we’re much higher right now in the polls than we were ever in 2016 in Michigan.”
Trump trails both Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders by 7 points in Michigan. So, no.
29. “That’s why they call him Mayor Pete. OK. Mayor Pete. Mayor Pete. Mayor Pete. I’ve had you up to here, Mayor Pete.”
In which the President of the United States takes a shot at the height of one of his Democratic rivals. This is my surprised face.
30. “I saw them pronouncing Buttigieg and they said here’s what you do, ‘Boot Edge Edge.’ Say edge, like an edge of a building. ‘Edge.’ ‘Edge.’ “
[nods head uncertainly]
31. “I said when I was honored that night, I said, how do you let this happen? How do you let all these companies leave?”
Just to reiterate: There is zero evidence Trump was ever honored as Michigan’s man of the year. Ever.
32. “But we had 18 people and I was center stage and I said, wait a minute, this is no good. I want odd numbers because if you’re center stage, if you have a 10 that means two people are in the middle. So I said make it 11 or make it nine. OK, or I’m not showing up, and generally they did it.”
So, during the 2016 campaign, Trump demanded of the debate sponsor that they have an odd number of candidates onstage so he could be alone in the center? Quick note here: That never happened.
33. “Wasn’t that fun? Through their – I liked it. Through their depraved actions today, crazy Nancy Pelosi’s House Democrats have branded themselves with an eternal mark of shame and it really is.”
These are three unedited sentences that the President said back to back to back. For real. (In case you were wondering: He was referring to the 2016 primary when he said he “liked it.” And, no, that doesn’t make these sentences any less random.)
34. “Other countries come to see me, all of their leaders they say, sir, first thing, sir, congratulations on your economy. We’re trying to do the same thing. Congratulations sir.”
If this actually happens, which I very much doubt, it’s because foreign leaders are smart and have realized that flattery will get them everywhere with Trump.
35. “I mean, I go to these places, you know, Secret Service, they take me – I haven’t seen a lobby in three years. It’s true. I go through basements. I pass compactor plants. I know about compactors from this job. I don’t see lobbies. I say fellas, you think you could ever maybe take me through a lobby? No, sir. But I tell you what, I go upstairs, downstairs, all around. They’re taking me up three flights, go down one. I said are we almost there? Yes, sir. Another four flights.”
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
36. “And I say you think Hillary could do this? I don’t think so. They’d bring her back home. She wants to go to sleep.”
More than three years after the 2016 election, Trump continues to stoke the idea that Hillary Clinton is infirm or too old to do the job of president. She is 72 years old. Trump is 73.
37. “And then we learned about Lisa Page and her wonderful lover, Peter Strzok. I love you, Lisa. I love you more than anybody in the world. I love you more than anybody in the world. Of course, there’s problems with the wife but we won’t talk about that.”
The Justice Department’s inspector general report found that neither Page nor Strzok, both of whom were FBI employees during the 2016 election, did anything to negatively impact the counterintelligence investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election. Also, why is Trump so focused in the fact that they were engaged in an extramarital affair?
38. “I understand that but it’s my life, very unfair to my family. I have to say this. Very, very unfair to my family. What they’ve put my family through is a disgrace.”
Trump loves few roles more than he loves that of victim.
39. “He walks up to the mics, I mean, we’re not – and no offense, I don’t want to be – because with me too I never think about looks anymore. OK. I don’t talk about looks of a male or female but in his case let’s just say, last time I’ll ever refer to this. He’s not exactly the best-looking guy we’ve ever seen.”
No big deal – just the President of the United States saying the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee is ugly. Totally normal stuff here!
40. “You’re declaring open war on American democracy.”
Trump, here speaking about congressional Democrats, has never been one for understatement.
41. “That’s why, you know, with Richard Nixon I just see it as a very dark era, very dark, very oh, you don’t even like to think – I don’t know about you but I’m having a good time. It’s crazy.”
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
42. “She calls me up and said it’s the nicest thing that’s ever happened. ‘Thank you so much. John would be so thrilled. He’s looking down, he’d be so thrilled. Thank you so much, sir.’ I said, ‘That’s OK. Don’t worry about it.’ Maybe he’s looking up, I don’t know.”
In which Trump suggests the late Democratic Rep. John Dingell of Michigan may be in hell, because his wife, Rep. Debbie Dingell, voted for impeachment. Truly appalling stuff.
43. “I said, she’s a no. No, but I – I look at her and she’s so sincere, and what happens? I vote to impeach Trump. And – and you know what? I didn’t say who the hell knew this was even going to come up.”
A fascinating window into how Trump views all of life as one big transaction. Because he ordered flags lowered to half masts to honor John Dingell, he assumed that Debbie Dingell would never vote for his impeachment, Because she owed him – or something.
44. “[Democrats will] receive a big backlash at the box office.”
Freudian slip.
45. “I have to be always very truthful because if I’m a little bit off they call me a liar.”
“President Trump has made 15,413 false or misleading claims over 1,055 days” – The Washington Post
46. “There’s nothing you can say where you don’t get a Pinocchio.”
[raises hand timidly] What about, uh, you know, the truth?
47. “They’re making more money than they’ve ever made. That crazy New York Times, one of the worst newspapers in the world.”
“The failing New York Times.” – Donald Trump
48. “No, they’re among the most dishonest people – but I never forget before I took that great escalator ride down with our first lady. Our first lady’s doing a great job.”
How How HOW did his mind go from an attack on the press to his announcement speech? HOW.
49. “I said to all my people, I have great people in the back, I say you folks are so lucky I took you on this.”
Like all great leaders, Trump’s message to the people who work for him is: You’re lucky I did this for you. A true statesman.
50. “You know, you’re the elite. They’re not the elite. You’re the elite. You’re the elite. You do better than they do. They talk about – don’t you hate it – well (ph) the elite. Oh, really? I went to better schools. Many of you went to better schools. We won’t talk about homes even though your homes are nice here.”
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
51. “I’m telling you I have a group of African American guys and gals by the way that follow me around and they think I pay them and I don’t. I love them. They love me.”
“Oh, look at my African American over here. Look at him. Are you the greatest?” – Donald Trump
52. “Every stadium is packed. I give my people one instruction: Get the largest stadium you can get. Now that’s why I was a little surprised but in Battle Creek you don’t have that many. Right? Not too many stadiums but I wanted to be here.”
This is – at least – the third time Trump brought up his crowd sizes in this speech alone. Draw your own conclusions.
53. “You know a salesman, you know if you’re a great salesman, you never talk if you’re a good salesman. You don’t walk in and say well I’m a great salesman.”
“Deals are my art form. Other people paint beautifully on canvas or write wonderful poetry. I like making deals, preferably big deals.” – Donald Trump
54. “I say, why do I always look so orange? You know why? Because of the new light, they’re terrible. You look terrible.”
Real quote. By the President of the United States.
55. “I did a lot of this sinks, showers, all of this stuff. I did a lot of it. No water comes out. You have areas where there’s so much water you don’t know what to do with it. You turn on the shower, you’re not allowed to have any water anymore.”
“I did a lot of this sinks, showers.” – The President of the United States
56. “Dishwashers, the dishwasher, right? You press it. Remember the dishwasher, you press it, there’d be like an explosion. Five minutes later you open it up the steam pours out, the dishes – now you press it 12 times, women tell me again.”
“Women tell me.”
57. “Well, we like the old light bulb better. I said, I like it better, and so what I did is you can [buy] either one. If you want to buy the newer kind you can and if you want to look very handsome or beautiful by buying the older kind like I do.”
Laser-focused on the big and important stuff.
58. “It probably gives a better light but whatever it is and you’ll be able to spend a lot less money for a light bulb. I mean, it sounds like little but it’s big stuff. OK. It’s big stuff.”
Like I said, the “big stuff.”
59. “Sinks. Right? Showers and what goes with a sink and a shower? Ten times. Right? Ten times. Bong, bong, not me of course, not me, but you, you.”
What. The. Actual. Hell. Is. Going. On.
60. “You want to wash your hands, you turn on the sink, no water comes out. So you leave the water go 10 times as long. It’s the same thing. You have a shower. It’s no good for me.”
Yes, he is still talking about water pressure.
61. “I used to – they always used to say I wore a hairpiece. It’s OK. I know people wear headpieces but they always used to say, they don’t say that anymore because I have been through the worst storms.”
I swear to you I am not making up these quotes.
62. “He used to kiss my ass, Chuck Schumer. He’d do anything. He would have done anything for me, anything I’d ask him. Get Schumer on the phone. You do this. You do that.”
Transaction, transaction, transaction.
63. “I will say I could have a much easier life. Some people say, why is he doing it?”
Yes, some people do ask, “Why is he doing it?”
64. “We’re respected again. We’re respected again. We are so respected. You don’t even know how respected.”
65. “I can be loved in Germany. I could be loved in Germany. Oh, they’d love me.”
Offered without comment. This feels like a good place to end.
