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Morrissey has been awarded the Bad Sex in Fiction award for his debut novel
His novel described "bulbous salutation" and "full-figured copulation"
The singer was unable to attend the ceremony in London
The idea of Morrissey sitting in a room writing about “a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation” is enough to fill the most die-hard fan with dread.
Presumably the judges of this year’s Bad Sex in Fiction Award agreed, handing the former frontman of The Smiths the least coveted prize in literature.
The singer beat “vibrant and varied” competition with a passage from his debut novel “List of the Lost”:
- “At this, Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.”
George Pelecanos – esteemed writer of “The Wire” – was also nominated for a passage in his novel The Martini Shot:
- “She stroked my pole and took off my briefs, and I got between her and spread her muscular thighs with my knees and rubbed myself against her until she was wet as a waterslide.”
Joshua Cohen’s “Book of Numbers” closely missed out on the prize:
- “Her mouth was intensely ovoid, an almond mouth, of citrus crescents. And under that sling, her breasts were like young fawns, sheep frolicking in hyssop – Psalms were about to pour out of me.”
UK magazine Literary Review established the annual accolade in 1993 to draw attention to “poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description.”
Overtly pornographic material is not eligible.
Morrissey was not able to attend the lavish ceremony in London, citing a busy touring schedule.
The organizer joked that this was down to the decision to serve meat canapés – Morrissey is a die-hard vegetarian.
Music critic Charles Shaar Murray accepted the prize on Morrissey’s behalf.
Murray said: “Ladies and gentleman in an ideal world, this award would be received by Morrissey. Or by somebody who publishes Morrissey. Or by somebody who likes Morrissey.
“Unfortunately no such person could be found.”
Previous winners include Sebastian Faulks, Melvyn Bragg and London Mayor Boris Johnson’s sister Rachel Johnson.
